DEAR ABBY

THIS IS JUST A PARODY
 Dear Abby: 
 
 My husband has a long record of money problems.  He runs up huge credit-card
 bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at
 me, saying I am stealing his money.  He says pay the minimum and let our
 kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the
 interest. 
 
 Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of
 them no longer speak to us.  The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he
 has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. 
 
 Also, he has gotten religious.  One week he hangs out with Catholics and the
 next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with
 Muslims. 
 
 Finally, the last straw.  He's demanding that before anyone can be in the
 same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. 
 It's just so horribly creepy! 
 
 Can you help? 
 
 Signed, 
 
 Lost in D.C. 
 
 
 
 Dear Lost: 
 
 Stop whining, Michelle.  You can divorce the jerk any time you want. 
 The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!